Resilience Forged in Fire: How Setbacks Shape Success

What if the very thing that sets you apart is the key to everything you're striving for? Welcome to Uncommon Edge, the podcast for those who are done with the ordinary and ready to own what makes them different. I'm DJ Newman, and if you're here, it's because you know you're built for more. You're uncommon by design, ready to break boundaries and build a life of purpose, success and impact. Each week, we'll dive into hard hitting strategies, raw stories from the trenches, and the tools that will sharpen your edge. From game changing lessons to deep diving interviews, this is your space to rise up, build and make your mark. Whether you're growing a business, dreaming of starting one, or looking to level up in life, you'll leave each episode with insights and inspiration to make it happen. You weren't designed to blend in. You were designed to stand out. So if you're ready to defy the norm and bring out your best, let's dive in. Get to work. Your journey to owning your uncommon edge starts now. What if your greatest strength isn't your talent, your knowledge, or even your edge, but your ability to get back up when life knocks you down? Resilience isn't just about bouncing back. It's about coming back sharper, stronger, and better prepared. Today we're going to go in to talk about how resilience sharpens your uncommon edge. Hey, everyone. I'm DJ Newman and this is the Uncommon Edge. Welcome. Welcome back, Edge Seekers. I am super excited about this episode because this is one that is gonna really level you up. And I've, I've, I've been there. When it comes to this topic, resilience is super important. I. I was on the wrestling team back in high school, and my nephew right now is wrestling. And sometimes, you know, when you're fighting the good fight, you lose a match. And the thing that separates the winners from the losers are those that can change that perspective right away. And I know this is easier said than done, but when you're going into your next match, you can't be thinking about the previous losses, because when you're concentrating on that, your focus gets derailed and you can't end up winning a fight when you're worried about things that aren't right in front of you. You can't control the past. The past has already happened. And you got to bounce back and focus on the challenge that's in front of you right now. You know, like, like I said, I've been there in business, personal life, all kinds of things. And I know you have to. Everybody struggles. I. You see that quote all the time. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. But it's not about fighting the battle. It's about actually getting up. You know, it's like the. The famous quote from Mike Tyson. Everyone's got a plan until you get punched in the mouth. Well, yeah, that's. That's 100% true. But do you get punched and then smile? Or do you get punched and fall down and cower and say, I quit? Well, if you're listening to this episode or if you listen to any of these other things, I know for a fact you are not the one that is going to be quitting. You're here because you're uncommon by design. And there is a flame inside you that is nothing but pure grit and resilience. And guess what? It builds character. Remember what we said, the underdog story and the. The. The cool stories that happen are the stories that have some type of struggle in them. And it's the resilience that brings your hero back. I mean, think about the. The guys that are in the movie where you see him get knocked down by the villain or whatever. Maybe they get thrown into the rocks and they're covered in dust and. And grit and grime and all this stuff, and they just start pushing up from the ground as the stone and the dust falls from their bodies and they look up into their enemy's eyes and it's on. Now that's grit. That's resilience. And that's what you want. You want that resilience to fuel your future, not your failure. You know, it's. It's make or break. And here you're gonna make it. So, like, what. What does it really mean to be resilient? You know, resilience isn't just about surviving the setbacks. It's actually thriving because of them. I'm going to say that again. Resilience isn't just about surviving your setbacks. It's about thriving because of them. It's turning every no into a lesson. Every mistake into a tool, every failure into a stepping stone. Some of the greatest lessons that I've ever learned in business and in life has been from failure. It's been from learning from the school of hard knocks. Think about when you're a kid, learning how to walk, learning how to ride a bike. The first time that you go out and do those things, you're going to fall, you're going to get those bruises, you can get those cuts, you can get Those scrapes. Maybe your parents are hanging onto the back of the bike and they're helping you out every way they can, but eventually they got to let go. And you're going to take those spills, and then you're going to realize, well, maybe I got to try again. I got to get back on and try again. And this is the thing between knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge is the accumulation of information, but wisdom is actually applying it. Okay, so when you're learning about being resilient, chances are you're gaining wisdom because you're applying the things you learned. Let's go back to the bike analogy. What if you got every book, podcast, course on riding a bike, and you go ahead and you learn all that there is to know about riding a bike. Pretend you're that kid that just learns all that stuff. That's cool. You learned all the theories, but now it's time to put the tires to the road and apply it. And just because you learn about all that stuff, let's say you even learn about the physics, and you go and you start applying it, and you get a hard reality. Check that, man, it's different than the books said. Yep. Happens in life, happens in business, is totally different. Physics is different to learn about than to physically experience it. And that's okay. You get back up and you try again. And now you might go back to those books and those courses and those podcasts after you've done it a couple times now you got a new perspective. Like I said in one of the earlier episodes, there's only the truth, and there's only different perspectives of the truth. And the truth is, you got to try. You got to learn how it goes. And this is the fun part about riding a bike, is you start to learn. The one thing is you have to have that momentum that's going to keep pushing you forward, keep making you go down the block, down the street. And the faster you go, the easier it is to stand up. And then as you start to learn all the little nuances and the muscle memories and the things that happen, you end up maybe not having to hold on to the handlebars. Maybe you can do some cool tricks, jump the curb, do the things. Maybe get into BMX or. Or some stunt bike work, but it takes practice. It takes bumps, it takes bruises, it takes failures. It takes resilience. Look, there was a time when I invested everything I. My time, my money, my energy into learning how to grow a business, learning how to make things happen. And I thought I had the answers. I had the books and all this stuff. And I jumped into it and I got pie on my face. Didn't work out. It wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be. And I had employees and family members and all these people, people looking back at me like, well, look at how that turned out, Mr. Big Shot. And I was embarrassed. You know what? I tried again and started working out. Tried again, it worked out a little bit more, then it didn't, then it did, then it didn't, then did, then started to more and more and more often. And that is what resilience is about. Going back to the wrestling analogy, I remember being on the wrestling mattress in high school, and one of the things that my coaches always said, dj, you have the heart, man. People are trying to pin you down and, like, you're giving it all to make sure that that doesn't happen. That's resilience. How are you showing resilience in your life right now? Is it like having the hard conversations? Is it, you know, doing the thing that you don't want to do, but you're doing it because you know it needs to get done to get you to where you want to go? Is it getting punched in the face, hopefully figuratively, and you bounce back? Is it looking in the mirror and say, yeah, try that again. Because you start to learn to duck and dodge and weave. It's, it's, it's important, you know, think of it as like a spring, man. It's. The harder it's compressed, the higher it bounces back. The key to channel that energy into growth. It's. Man, I've found that when I've been pushed to my limits, that's where the biggest, best work comes out. That's where the best work comes out. Because in that dog fight, you gotta look deep into yourself and realize, I'm hungry. I'm gonna make it happen. I'm going to make it happen. And you're not going to give up and you're going to keep fighting. You're going to keep doing what needs to get done, because that is your un. Common edge. You're going to keep in the fight. So I'm going to give you a resilience framework here, and hopefully this helps you out. I know it's helped me out. But the first step into embracing that resilience is accepting the hit. Like, take it on the chin and say, mother, can I have another? Or whatever that phrase is. But the first step is to resilience is accepting the setbacks. Don't Sugarcoat it. Don't ignore it. Acknowledge what had happened and give yourself permission to feel it. This is hard for some of us. I know it was hard for me. Still is. Nobody wants to look at something they've done and say, man, that didn't work out. It could be a divorce. It could be a lost friendship. It could be, you know, not hitting the gym. It could be, you know, maybe you lost a bunch of money doing something. It could be maybe you lied to yourself one too many times. Whatever that is, you got to start accepting it and embrace it. Because once you accept it as truth, that that is what has happened. Now we can deal with it. You know, this is the impact zone. This is the moment where it hits, it lands. Don't run from it. Lean into it. This is a gift. It's an opportunity. Look, when we talked about the Lions earlier, when the Lions had a losing season after losing season, they didn't pretend it wasn't happening. They owned it. And that ownership came back to be the foundation of their now comeback. The next thing I need you to do is start shifting your perspective. You know, failures are not dead ends. They're actually just detours. The moment you frame it as a setback, as a stepping stone, you take back control. Okay, think about this. When you put the address into a GPS and there's an accident, what does the GPS do? Does it just stop you in the tracks? Oh, there's nothing we can do here. You're just gonna. Just gonna sit here in the road until the accident clears up? If it clears up. No, it says it's rerouting you, or we found a shorter distance, and you're on the best route. Now, I want you to understand that that rerouting, that detour means you're still on track to hit the goal. Maybe it takes you a little longer. It's okay. It means you're gonna be faster next time. Now, when you're doing that, I want you to frame this like putting on a new set of glasses. And I want you to look at this as, like, the rebound lens, so to speak. Start looking at your setbacks not as your failures, but as your fuel to your edge. It's another grinding stone. It's the grindstone that is going to give you the. The resilience that you need to bounce back. Like we talked about it a couple episodes ago, you know, with Jared Goff, even he went from being written off to leading a resurgence of everything that he is now for the Lions. He didn't let the critics define him, he, he let his results do the talking. That's important, you know, because the next step is actually building the bounce back plan. Resilience isn't just mental, it's, it's tactical mapping out what your next steps are. You know, we talked about like a strategy on how to regain focus. Part of regaining yourself after a setback is understanding what you can control. And one of the big things that you control is what you learn from it and what the next move is and what your thoughts are about it. Because once you start controlling what you think, what you think becomes what you say. What you say becomes what you do. What you do ultimately becomes your reality and it becomes your outcomes. And those outcomes reinforce your thoughts. And that can happen both positively and negatively. So it's how you, how you frame it. Remember, there's only one truth. It's your perspective of that truth that's going to end up setting you free from this, this bounce back. Remember, the good thing about bad times is they don't last. So let's map this out. We'll call it the recovery map. Outline three actionable steps that you can take today to start bouncing back. If you're, if you're currently going through something where you feel like your spring is compressed, don't know how much more you can take, that means you're right on track to bounce back. You gotta bounce back. And I want you to sharpen your edge through that adversity. Every setback is literally a chance to sharpen your uncommon edge. It's a chance, it's an opportunity to use the adversity that you're doing dealing with right now as a teacher and not a tormentor. Man, I've been in the mind with the tormentor and it's a miserable place to be. And if you are there right now, shake that off. Shake it off. Give yourself permission to learn. We beat ourselves up so much. You gotta allow yourself the opportunity to fail because that is part of the process. But don't quit. That's the whole point of being resilient. You know why, why is resilience like part of your edge? It's because it's part of your journey. Your edge isn't just about what makes you different. It's about how you use that difference to navigate the challenges. You know, it sharpens every, everything that you do in your life because you're turning the obstacles into opportunities. You know, like back to like underdog stories, right? Like, think about like Walt Disney. Did you know he was fired for lacking imagination before Building one of the greatest empires in entertainment as of known today. Well, here's a news flash for you. Resilience made that possible. What if he just said, you know what? You're right, I have no imagination whatsoever. You're right. We wouldn't have some of the greatest stories going. Some of your best childhood memories, I guarantee you you've had some fun childhood memory revolving around something with Disney. Whether you went to the amusement park or you watched a favorite movie or you read one of the books or one of those things, every story comes with resistance. And resilience is the thing that brings you back. Resilience isn't about ignoring the pain. I mean, obviously it's painful, but it's about transforming it. The stronger the adversity, the sharper your edge can become. As long as you let takes hard things to sharpen an edge. The grindstone is a hard place and there are grittier grindstones that take away the biggest burrs. And as you refine your edge, you get down to lighter and lighter grit to get like the most sharp edge going. But that has to happen. Think about the last setback you faced. Did you let it define you or did you use it to sharpen your edge? What one step can you take today to start the bounce back? Or what's one thing that you've done in the past? If you've already bounced back, maybe you're on the top right now. What's one thing that you did that you can repeat over and over again? Building that resilience, muscle memory. So I want to, I want to ask a few more questions before we, before we sign off here today. What was the hardest lesson you've ever learned? What shaped who you are today because of that lesson? And how did the resilience that you use to get through it make you better? One of the things my mom used to tell me all the time growing up as a kid, if God brings you to it, he surely will bring you through it. And he doesn't put anything in front of your way that he doesn't trust that you can't handle. And my joke always used to be, well, man, why does he trust me so much? Maybe you feel that way too right now. And that's okay. It's normal to feel that way. But how can you reframe it to a tool for growth? Remember, resilience isn't what turns setbacks into stepping stones. It's what makes everything come together to build back all the things that you want to happen in life. If you have Kids being resilient is also a huge factor of how your kids develop. How they see you come back from a setback. If they see you sitting around doing all this stinking thinking and woes, me's and all that type of stuff, you're instilling some stuff there, you might not realize it. Kids don't pay attention to what you say. They pay attention to what you do. So bounce back and. And just so you realize I'm talking to you, but reminding myself at the moment as well, because every day there's always something and you need to bounce back. So I want you guys to take something that you learned. If you got a lot of value out of, out of this or any of the other episodes, hit that like and subscribe button. And we got a lot more stuff that's gonna be coming. We're going to be sharing some tools and resources and getting into some interviews and doing some things that are going to be really, really cool, moving down the pipeline. And again, I hope this is a fulfilling thing for you. So as we sign off on your bounce back, because if you're there, I know you're going to be bouncing back. I want you to remember to stay sharp and stand out because you need to keep moving forward because your edge is forged in the fire. Have a great night, guys.